Narcissistic Public Service Announcement?

This post isn't about me, but I did write it about myself - the pronoun, not the person.

I seem to be hearing an increasing number of abuses of the word myself in conversation and public discourse. For some reason its sound causes the same reaction in my brain as dragging nails on a chalkboard. But while it's annoying to me, it's even worse for the mis-speaker. Using myself improperly is almost as pompous-sounding and embarrasing as using a "royal" we.

Consider the following:

• Pass me the potatoes, Dan


• Pass us the potatos, underling


• Pass the potatoes to myself, you pretentious poseur

As a public service, Spooky Action offers the following quick mnemonic key to proper use of the pronoun myself:

• I verb you


• You and the rest of the world verb me


• I verb myself


• You verb yourself

Note: It doesn't matter how many people you are verbing, you're still verbing me. Don't make the following mistake:

If you have any questions, please contact Filbert Wimberly, Staxx, Cowboy Curtis, or myself.

To reinforce this concept, please complete Ron Popiel's K-Tel Me/Myself quiz:

1. Billy Idol's 1981 hit: (I'm) Dancin' with [me][myself]


2. Bill Withers' R&B hit: (You) Lean on [me][myself]


3. Bobby Bare's country classic: Dropkick [me][myself] Jesus through the goalpost of life


4. Eric Carmen's epic 1976 ballad: All By [me][myself]


5. Bonus Complete the following line from James Taylor's "How Sweet It Is": You were better to [me][myself] than I was to [me][myself]

If you're still having trouble, review and memorize the opening lines of the Divinyls' 1992 hit "I Touch Myself"

I love myself
I want you to love me
When I'm feelin' down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me

And remember: Only you can prevent myself abuse!